It can be a quiet, unsettling feeling. You might be in the middle of a busy office, walking the dog in the park, or just scrolling through your phone, and a profound sense of separation washes over you. It’s a feeling of being fundamentally different from everyone else, as if they were all given a rulebook for life that you never received. When these thoughts become persistent and distressing, some people start to look for support, which can lead them to search for a CBT therapist.
This sense of being an outsider can sometimes become more noticeable after a significant life event, including grief or a difficult experience. The world keeps turning, people talk about their holidays and what to have for dinner, but your reality can feel as though it has changed. You may feel different from the people around you and alone with thoughts and feelings that are difficult to explain, even when you are surrounded by people who care.
It’s not just a feeling; it can also come with a relentless internal monologue. You might find yourself replaying events, getting stuck on ‘what if’ scenarios, or experiencing intrusive thoughts that are difficult to switch off. What starts as an understandable attempt to make sense of how you feel can gradually turn into a pattern of overthinking, worrying and withdrawing.
What Does a CBT Therapist Actually Do?
When thoughts and feelings become stuck and start affecting everyday life, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help you understand what is keeping the pattern going.
A CBT therapist works with you to explore the connection between your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Rather than simply telling you to ‘think positively’, CBT helps you identify the particular thoughts and beliefs that may be contributing to the way you feel and look at whether the ways you are responding are helping you or unintentionally keeping you stuck.
For example, you might have the thought, ‘Nobody understands me’ or ‘There must be something wrong with me because I don’t feel like everyone else.’ Understandably, thoughts like these can lead to sadness, anxiety or isolation. You may then withdraw from other people, avoid situations or spend more time analysing how you feel. In turn, this can reinforce the original belief that you are different or disconnected.
CBT helps you begin to recognise these cycles. Together with your therapist, you can look at the thoughts and beliefs behind your emotional responses, consider different ways of looking at situations and gradually change behaviours that may be keeping the difficulties going.
What Can CBT Help With?
CBT is used to help with a wide range of emotional and psychological difficulties, including anxiety, stress, low mood, overthinking, intrusive thoughts, panic and difficulties following upsetting or challenging experiences.
Some people may experience intrusive or repetitive thoughts as part of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), while for others the thoughts may be connected to anxiety, grief, difficult past experiences or periods of significant stress. Understanding what is happening for you is an important part of deciding how therapy can best help.
It’s also true that many different experiences can lead to a sense of being different or disconnected. Some people find that this is connected to neurodiversity and wonder why ADHD can make everyday life feel so overwhelming.
CBT gives you the opportunity to explore what is happening for you rather than assuming that one particular explanation fits everyone. You can get a sense of what therapy involves by reading about what happens during your first online CBT session.
How Could CBT Help Me?
One of the aims of CBT is to help you become more aware of the patterns between what happens, what you think about it, how you feel and what you then do.
You may begin to notice, for example, that certain situations trigger thoughts about not fitting in, being judged or being unable to cope. Those thoughts can create difficult emotions, which can then influence how you behave. Avoiding people, seeking reassurance, repeatedly analysing situations or withdrawing from things you previously enjoyed can sometimes provide short-term relief while making the problem harder to overcome in the longer term.
CBT can help you question unhelpful patterns of thinking and develop different ways of responding. The aim is not to pretend difficult things have not happened or to force yourself to feel positive. It is to understand how your interpretation of situations affects the way you feel and to develop more helpful and realistic ways of thinking and behaving.
As these patterns begin to change, you may find it easier to re-engage with parts of life you have been avoiding. CBT can also help when persistent thinking and worry are affecting other areas of your life, including when you’ve tried everything and still can’t sleep.
Over time, understanding your own patterns and learning practical ways to respond differently can help you feel more confident in managing difficult thoughts and emotions when they arise.
The First Step is Understanding
Reading this might be the first time you have recognised some of these patterns in yourself. The first step isn’t to diagnose yourself, but to become curious about what is happening. Is your life becoming smaller because of the way you feel? Are you spending a huge amount of mental energy worrying, analysing or trying to manage your thoughts?
If any of this resonates, talking to a professional can help bring clarity. A CBT therapist can help you understand the patterns that may be keeping you stuck and work with you to decide what changes could be helpful. You can explore whether online counselling is right for you and what it's really like.
Therapy can help you understand yourself and develop practical ways of managing difficult thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It isn't about erasing the experiences that have shaped you; it’s about helping you find ways of moving forward without those experiences controlling how you live now.
If you'd like to explore this further, we're here to help. We offer professional, confidential online CBT on a session-by-session basis. Our fee is £68 for a full hour session, with no long-term commitment required. You can book a session directly through our website at a time that works for you.
Written by Sian Jones, Founder of CBT & Counselling Kent. Sian has extensive experience helping individuals manage anxiety, stress, low mood and other emotional challenges.
